Le Halloween

Halloween is the one day each year when I miss my home in North America more than any other. Halloween in Europe reminds me that I am a stranger in a strange land.

Halloween is about empowerment. Kids are encouraged to be someone else, to ask boldly of strangers. By contrast, two teenagers stood on our doorstep in Belgium some years ago. They were dressed as bedsheet ghosts, the lamest of costumes.  They mumbled “Tricks or Treats”. Clearly novices. I gently pointed out that (a) I had no candy, because (b) it was October 29th so, wrong night, and (c) it was technically the singular, Trick or Treat, no “s”. But they only spoke Flemish. So things sort of broke down at that point. I gave them some apples. We looked awkwardly at one another through the eye-holes in their sheets before they wandered off.

Halloween is about excess: mountains of candy, over the top decorations, sugar-induced meltdowns. These are not only tolerated, but celebrated. Europeans are just hardwired not to go there. Tonight we placed our jack-o-lantern and a bowl of candy at the far end of our long Swiss laneway. Several times this evening I walked out to replenish the bowl. I need not have bothered. Apparently each Swiss child only took one candy each. Only one item from an unsupervised bowl of free candy? Come on! That would NEVER happen at home. Where I come from, this is what happens.

Halloween is about being unselfconscious, both for kids and parents alike. But our Euro-neighbors never let it all hang out. They stand together in svelte black slacks eating canapé and sipping wine while their kids circulate politely around the neighborhood. By contrast, my neighbor in Maryland used to rig a microphone to a speaker hidden in the pumpkin at the end of his driveway. As trick-or-treaters approached his home, to their delight the pumpkin would comment on their wonderful costumes. But in the spirit of unselfconscious excess, this neighbor also hit the booze pretty hard on Halloween. As the night progressed, the talking pumpkin became more belligerent. Alas, no drunken pumpkins in Europe.

Halloween is an intoxicating mix of fun and fear. At the consulate in Switzerland, Marines in camo hide in a darkened hallway that leads to the family Halloween party-room. They step out of the shadows as families pass down the hall. The result is lots of screams and more than one soiled unicorn costume. Take that, Geneva Convention!

I truly love living in Europe. But on Halloween, I miss my home.

 

Bonus – This just in from stateside friends as this blog post went to press: I had to stop tricks or treatsing early this year because I spilled my red wine all over the head and back of my youngest in her stroller. Don’t worry, the Asian costume makers didn’t use cotton, so the polywhateveritwas fabric didn’t absorb the red wine. Add that to the fact that the costume was way too big for her anyways, and that magic means she can wear it again next year! Woot!!! I’m totally winning at this parenting gig, let me tell you!

 

[If you know someone else who might enjoy a lighthearted story to begin their week, kindly forward them the link to WordsfortheWearyThe more the merrier.]

Town Council – 23/10/2017

My first presentation to Town Council took place in the “open concept” library of our local elementary school. The furniture in the library is made for little kids. The Council meeting resembled a gathering of circus bears, as we all perched like giants upon chairs made for Hobbits.

I was transfixed by the involuntary arm movements of one Councilwoman. As the Town business droned on her arm would randomly shoot straight up in the air, like some fascist salute, before returning slowly to her side. This went on all night. Only later did I observe that she was, in fact, knitting. The exaggerated arm jerk was her pulling fresh strands of yarn from the huge ball at her feet. She was Knitler.  

Finally my turn came. I had just begun my pitch to Council when some boys playing basketball in the adjacent gym crashed through the door. They dribbled basketballs down the hallway towards us while keeping up a steady patter of profanity. Council fell silent as the boys swarmed like a pack of wolves around the water fountain. They finally saw us and froze, silent, unsure what to do next. The Police Chief, rising unsteadily from his tiny chair, walked over and respectfully ushered them all back into the gym.  

I resumed my overview, only to be interrupted again. This time from the English-as-a-second-language group meeting in one of the rooms beside the library. The class of mostly Latino students was learning how to pronounce the letter “V” in English. As they practiced aloud, each student would exclaim, “I llluubbb America. I lllluubbb it here.”  The Police Chief, who had not yet returned to his tiny chair, walked across the library to their classroom and gently closed the door.

The final interruption came courtesy of the janitor. He was pushing a floor-cleaning-zamboni machine while pumping gangster rap through his headphones. Oblivious to our presence, he was doing some suggestive dance moves. He even spanked the Zamboni at one point. He finally looked up, and his eyes widened in horror as he locked on to the assembled Council staring at him. It was exquisitely uncomfortable. The moment was made perfect as Knitler’s arm shot into the air. The shamed janitor zambonied away as quickly as he could, leaving a strip of shimmering floor in his wake that made my Canadian blood race.

Moments like this make me proud of my community. Immigrants trying to make it in a new land. Neighbours voluntarily giving up their evening to carry out the tedious business of a small town. A school left open at night to contain unruly boys. A Police Chief who treats everyone with respect and grace. Despite its manifest problems, there is still so much to lluubb about America.

NB: Photo credit to www.heyuguys.com