Dementia is horrific not only because it robs loved ones of their faculties, but because the rest of us watch loved ones fade away in slow motion. But even in such darkness there can be light and laughter. Such is the case with my father.
The care that he has provided for my mother for over a decade, and the tender constancy with which he has done so, is simply awe inspiring. The doctors, home care, facilities, paperwork and expenses are relentless. He honors birthdays and anniversaries that mom can no longer recall. He participates in care facility activities with unselfconscious enthusiasm, even when she is asleep.
There are, of course, moments of exasperation, fear, despair, and exhaustion. But not once, in all this time, has he ever complained. On the contrary. He maintains that caring for my mother has been the privilege of a lifetime. Awe. Inspiring. Grace.
Of course, being the family that we are, we also treasure the moments of absurdity as they come along.
One such occasion took place one winter morning. Dad was making coffee. My mother has mild hearing loss, so dad asked her in a rather loud voice if SHE WANTED ANY COFFEE? In her state of confusion, she was indignant at being addressed in an inappropriately loud voice. Uncharacteristically, she threatened to walk out (!). Dad just smiled and went into the kitchen to fetch the coffee. But when he returned to the living room, she was gone. The front door was open and there was mom, steaming down the street in her flannel night gown and bathrobe.
Dad took off after her in hot pursuit in his own night clothes that consist of: two slippers shaped like moose paddling a canoe, red flannel pants, and a t-shirt several sizes too small bearing the skyline of his hometown and the tagline: “Des Moines: Let us Exceed Your Already Low Expectations”.
He caught up with her. She was of course totally surprised to see him. He casually asked if she would like to join him at home for some coffee. Of course she was happy to. And so back they went, arm in arm, through a winter’s morning in all their flannel glory.
[If you know someone else who might enjoy a lighthearted story to begin their week, kindly forward them the link to WordsfortheWeary. The more the merrier.]
[Image credit to Slifka Sales Co].