This particular elementary school concert was the musical equivalent of waterboarding.
The concert, to celebrate Black History Month, was preceded by “Food Fiesta” in the cafeteria. Much of the school was Latino. So “Food Fiesta” was basically code for burritos. They were excellent. Everyone ate way too many. Then we waddled down to the gym like bloated cows on clover to partake in the musical extravaganza.
The teacher in charge of the evening worked the mic like a drunk relative at a wedding who won’t take a hint. Not that I have any experience in that area.
At one point he introduced three 6th graders of modest musical talent. They were to play Michael Jackson’s “Beat It” on their poorly-tuned violins. He then announced they would play the song as a round, noting “those of you who are musically trained may detect that this song was not actually written as a round”. He was right. It sounded like multiple cat claws being dragged across a chalk board for a tortuous eternity. The proud parents swooned and took video.
Interspersed with the music were stirring readings from African American luminaries such as Doctor Martin Luther King, Langston Hughes, and Frederick Douglas. Regrettably, the microphone stand was set at “drunk relative” height, which was far too tall for the children doing the readings. As a result, we could only hear a small percentage of what they actually said. During one such reading of the famous “I have a Dream” speech by Dr. King, our 5 year old leaned over and asked in a rather loud voice, “Daddy, did that boy just say that he’s been to the muffin top?”
When it finally ended we stampeded back to the cafeteria to mop up the leftover burritos.
[If you know someone else who might enjoy a lighthearted story to begin their week, kindly forward them the link to WordsfortheWeary. The more the merrier.]