The Bear – 05/03/2018

I am a bear in a world of lonely cubs. That’s the only way to explain the frequency with which I am propositioned by other men.

It happens everywhere. Last month it was from a guy sitting at the table next to me in a restaurant in Brussels. For the record, he was six foot four and full of muscles. I was merely full of mussels. It happened in the workplace, where a male colleague made a pass during a pick-up volleyball game at a staff party. He could not possibly have been attracted to my volleyball skills. It once happened on a beach. And lets just be honest: you have to be pretty damn desperate to proposition me while I am in a bathing suit in full daylight. Or visually impaired.

It happened in an airport security line. I had just finished telling a female colleague about my being approached by other men. She rightly scoffed. Moments later, as if scripted, the man in front of me turned and asked if he could borrow the toothpaste I was putting into the little plastic security bag. Taken aback by the odd request, I handed him the crumpled tube. He thanked me, winked, and then slapped my butt. My colleague stood there stunned. I told the man to keep the toothpaste.

Having my wife with me makes no difference. She and I were once holding hands in a café booth. The waiter lingered around us with the same intensity that I have around warm lasagna. We ignored him. Then he came back with a huge chocolate cookie and sat down in the booth beside me. “You have to try this”, he said. “Its better than sex”. My wife can attest that this actually happened. And that it was, indeed, a very good cookie.

The most amusing instance took place on a crowded subway train. “Do I know you from somewhere?”, asked the fellow standing beside me. When I said no, he continued. “Are you sure? You aren’t perhaps an accountant, are you?” Again I answered in the negative. Then he just got to the point and asked me where I was getting off the train, because he could get off there too. I sensed a double entendre. I smiled and replied, “As I said sir, I am not an accountant”. Startled that I was using his code, he laughed out loud. Then he added with faux sarcasm, “Oh. That must mean you are one of those guys into IT and computing.”

Take that, Bill Gates.

[If you know someone else who might enjoy a lighthearted story to begin their week, kindly forward them the link to WordsfortheWeary. The more the merrier.]

Photo credit to Gastoniagrizzlies