The Elephant – 20/11/2017

The only sound was the bullet sliding into the chamber of the Park Ranger’s rifle. I reached for my keys to turn on the engine, but his shaking hand reached over and touched mine, silently indicating that starting an engine at this precise moment was a very bad idea. Both of us stared straight ahead, frozen.

Moments before, we had been marveling at a parade of elephants passing before us. On safari in Africa, we had gotten our jeep into position in a small clearing between the river and the deep shade of the forest. Each morning after a cool drink the elephants would lumber up the path from the river and head to the forest, as they were doing now.  Parked at a safe distance, we had a front row seat to this majestic, awe-inspiring procession.

The matriarch led, trumpeting for the other elephants to keep up. We could see black smudge marks beneath her ears, indicating that she was in heat. She was followed by more than a dozen other members of the herd, including several baby elephants. Our own baby girl was in the back seat of the jeep, happily chatting away with my wife and her grandmother as the elephants passed before us.

We fell instantly silent as a large tree crashed down, almost on the hood of our jeep. Out from the bush stepped a full grown bull male elephant. He was so close we could almost touch him. He towered above our car. Startled to find us in his path, he spun his body towards us, lowered his head, and flared out his ears in defiance. That was the moment the Park Ranger reached for his rifle and I reached for my keys. Not that either of us could have done anything – in two quick steps the bull could easily have been upon us.

One other important detail: he was sporting a full erection. I mention this because an erect bull elephant penis is a rather impressive and pretty unmistakable spectacle, especially when it is 10 paces from your car. It did cross my mind that he might crush us in his anger. Alternatively he might attempt to mate with our jeep in his confusion.  Either way, the outcome was less than desirable.

As we stared at him, frozen, there suddenly came from the front of the line a loud trumpet. It was the matriarch in heat calling for the bull. Without hesitating, he reacted in predictably male fashion. He turned immediately and ran off in her direction, his trunk, tusks and dragging penis cutting a swath through the underbrush. We all sat in silence, our hearts pounding out of our chests, trying to regain our breath.

At that moment the Park Ranger felt the need to add some commentary to this terrifying nature moment. In possibly the most unnecessary statement about any situation, ever, he observed: “Indeed. That one was a male”. Indeed, that one was.